(Poetry) Nightmares SeXStoRY

I lay motionless awake in my bed, laying really still believing I was dead. The years flashed by as I reviewed my life, through my teenage years and when I had a Wife. Regrets, apologies and overall despair, years spent fighting for another one's care. The tears, the pain and a soul splitting cry, no one gave a damn if we lived or died. The heartache, the loss, or a desperate plea for the ones in pain but who wants to see? I've heard those voices. I've heard those cries. I've done those things that I now despise. Oh God! Forgive me! I ask You above. I was a Master of Chaos without compassion or love. I was Shiva. I was Death. I was the Destroyer of Worlds. I was the willing Pale Rider while Earth's chaos unfurled. I'm afraid to slumber and I fear, every time I close my eyes. What costume do I have today? Is it a Uniform or disguise? Forgive me Lord. I'm so sorry, forgive me for my sins. Heal the pain that I feel; deep in my soul within.