One Sick Fuck SeXStoRY

I had foolishly set up a profile on xprofiles; before I even tried uploading a photo, there were at least 2 "Hey, check me out" messages. I certainly tried to look-"Oh boy, women in my area who want to have sex-that's great!" I soon discovered that no matter what I tried to do-look at a profile, reply to a message-I was directed to the "Fun is just a click away"-a click and a credit card number. I tried to reply to a message from an administrator-and even THAT required me give up the card number. I deleted the profile, but it occurred to me that the administrator might have been willing to indulge me in order to keep me from leaving: "Hey-where ya going?" "I'm deleting my profile-I'm not going to pay for the privelege of trying to talk to an administrator." "Yeah? So, you got a thing for administrators? They turn you on?" "What?! No-are you k**ding?" "Looking for some 'administration', eh?" "Whats THAT supposed to mean?" "Anything you'd like, pal." "I'd LIKE an attractive young woman." "Yer speaking to one-arent you lucky?" "Actually, you look like a greasy, pudgy guy with no forehead." "Oh, the photo? Thats to keep the riffraff from pestering me-but you're my kinda guy." "What kinda guy is that?" "I said YOU-cant you read?" "This isn't what I was looking for." "I bet what you need is a 'take-charge gal'-slap you silly, then sillier." "Sillier?" "Yeah, you like that-I can tell. Slap you and make you kiss my hand." "I'm not gonna kiss any hand with stumpy sausage fingers like those." "I told you-thats not me. I'm a voluptous young-" "Ummm-not voluptuous-tall and thin." "Like I was saying-I'm an elegantly tall, thin blonde-" "Brunette." "Right. And I'm wearing-" "You're wearing golf shoes-they've got that floppy thing that covers the laces." "Golf shoes? I'm not sure-" "And instead of earrings, you're using tees-lime green plastic tees." "You know-" "Then you ask 'May I wash your balls'?" "Lame." "And I tell you 'Only if you're wearing the mask.'" "What mask?" "The Richard Simmons mask." "Alright-thats it." "Put the mask on NOW." "No way-you are one seriously sick FUCK-you know that, dont you?" "Do you have the mask on yet? Hello? Hell-looooo? Too bad-it was just getting interesting..."